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Keep in mind the four classic components
of sexual addiction—compulsivity, continuation despite consequences,
preoccupation and escalation—while reading through the following
characteristics:
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1. It is unmanageable
To use the word unmanageable as a characteristic of sexual addiction
seems like a cop-out. Ultimately, humans have the ability to decide
what they do. The problem is not the lack of control over addictive
behavior; the problem is that addicts feel overtaken by their bodies,
minds, and desires and eventually succumb to the idea that they have
no control over their behavior. This begins the cycle of unmanageability.
The 12-step method first developed by Alcoholics Anonymous transformed
the way people gained control over their addiction to alcohol. Over
the years, it became apparent that addicts other than alcoholics could
benefit from methods similar to the AA 12-step method. Sexual addicts
are the most recent group to take advantage of the 12-step method. The
most important step in the process is step one, admitting that the addict
is powerless over the addiction – that the addict’s life has
become unmanageable.
Many addicts feel so powerless to sexual sin that they will disassociate and “let go”
as the lust literally takes over. It becomes a wretched cycle, ultimately leaving numerous
sufferers jobless, friendless, without family and in a state of constant defeat. If we were
to end our assessment here, surely there would be no hope. But as the addict surrenders his
addiction to God, he can be restored. As Paul says in Romans 7:25, “Thanks be to God—through
Jesus Christ our Lord!” because he knew who could—and can—rescue all captives from the deeds of the flesh.
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2. It creates neurochemical tolerance
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“One important
thing to understand is that there would be no addiction of any kind were
it not for the pleasure centers of the brain.” – Mark Laaser
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Any kind of stimulant—caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and other drugs—has a neurochemical impact on the brain.
In the same way, sexual behavior produces the chemical release of catacolomines in the brain that are heroine or
morphine-like in their effect. Dutch scientist Gert Holstege revealed that his scans of a brain under orgasmic
release resemble the scans of a brain after a shot of heroine.
God created us with an incredible ability to adjust to whatever we put into our bodies. This natural tolerance
means that the brain will require more stimuli to create the same effect. Drug addicts need more drugs to get their “fix.”
Sex addicts want more of the same behavior or an escalation of behavior in order to get the desired “high.”
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3. It is degenerative/progressive.
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The time it takes to get deep into an addiction has
dramatically shortened. The Internet has greatly decreased the time it takes to develop escalating patterns, turning
people who may be slightly interested in pornography into addicts. Developing an addiction to pornography used to take
three years. With Internet pornography, it only takes three months to develop a full-blown addiction.
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Addiction gets worse over time. As years pass, the frequency and/or
the intensity will increase, even if throughout the progression there are periods when the addict
gives up all or part of his behavior. Assessing the entire lifespan of an individual’s habit and
its escalation is an important part in grasping the full measure of the addiction. From point A to B,
you will see a definite pattern of increasing activity at some level.
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4. It has negative/destructive consequences
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Some of the losses reported by sexual addicts include:
• loss of partner or spouse 70%
• loss of career 27%
• unwanted pregnancies 40%
• suicidal tendencies 72%
• exposure to AIDS and venereal disease 68%
• legal repercussions 58%
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The physical, emotional, spiritual and financial consequences of sexual addiction are extensive.
Possible physical losses include sexually transmitted diseases, genital injury, stomachaches, backaches, severe stress
and fatigue, serious bodily injury (in cases of sadomachism) and even death. The emotional effects can be feelings of
isolation, despair, extreme depression, anger, shame and low self-esteem. Many addicts experience a loss of family,
friends, ministry and job once found out. The financial repercussions are huge—incurred debt and potential lawsuits.
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5. It is used to escape feelings
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Sexual addiction is a coping strategy. It is a means of survival, like any addiction,
that depends on the high from chemical release to can change how one feels. Sex addicts are pharmacologists of
their own brain.
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6. It is justified by concept of “entitlement”
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Many sex addicts rationalize their behavior with a mentality that says, “I deserve this.”
They feel as though no one is taking care of their needs, so they have to take care of themselves. This is especially
the case with pastors. Pastors often feel isolated and lonely, taking care of everyone’s needs except for their own.
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7. It is used as a reward
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Sex addicts may see themselves as having given so much and received so little.
In this sense they feel entitled, and the sexual behavior becomes a reward for all of their hard work.
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8. It gives a feeling of power
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Sex addicts may feel like they have very little control in their lives.
Their deep needs to be heard, affirmed, blessed and included are not being met, and so in this sense
there is a feeling of powerlessness. Sexual behavior provides a feeling of power.
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